If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
