Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
