Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
