Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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