She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
