she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
