I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fuck appropriateness.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
