I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
