I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
