You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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