Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
