so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.