I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.