Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i've created a new STD.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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