so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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