Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.