We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
