evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.