We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.