i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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