just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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