i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Drunk is not a location!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
