9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
