Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
