Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
