don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
