i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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