bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
