Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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