On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
