We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
