Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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