By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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