Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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