she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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