okay pat passed out under dana's car
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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