This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
