Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
