Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
