I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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