I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
