I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
