I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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