It's Friday. Sex?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
