Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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