after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
