Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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