i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
