Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
