I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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