Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
