I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
