I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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