So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
