Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
