I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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