I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
