It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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