Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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