Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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