what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
