sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
