so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
