Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
