You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
