Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
