I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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