I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
