Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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