why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
