Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
