i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
