yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
